Change

I started this blog with the intention of having somewhere to verbally vomit all the crap in my head. Somewhere to throw it out and maybe, just maybe, it would get lost on it's journey back into my memory. Well ... in a way - it has.

I love getting up in the morning and spending a few minutes with myself and my thoughts and just being honest...and it's even nice to not have to hear any words of wisdom from anyone else. Just get it out there and poof - it's gone from my immediate memory!

I no longer feel the need to keep hashing through all of the garbage of my past. It's there and always will be - but I've dealt with it. I no longer feel handcuffed and suffocated by its presence. For that, I am thankful.

Mirrors Lie

Lately I feel so detached - like I am walking through the motions of my life but missing the feelings and emotions that go with it. Like I am watching myself in a mirror - feeling nothing - like maybe I am the reflection on the other side. I don't know if it is stress or just disappointment ... disappointment in people who should never disappoint you - family, friends, even my "reflection".

One lesson I have learned over and over again in life is that people disappoint you. It doesn't matter how or when, but they do. The importance of being perfect in every aspect of your life is crucial. One wrong step - poof! - they vanish! Not another word from them - no talking it through - nothing... you were disposable.

 

 

Sometimes you can't see it coming -- I just don't see how an innocent thing can be so devastating ... things are not always what they appear. Guess that's the trick with mirrors. They LIE.