Its Never Going to Make Sense ...

"Its never going to make sense because it doesn't make sense". I heard this the other day and it has stuck with me, popping into my thought stream every time I start to question "why".

I have so many questions - and all of them start with why ... Of course there are the usual "Why Me?" and "Why did he do it at all?' ... but there are others ... "Why wasn't I strong enough?" - "Why was I so stupid?" - and of course "WHY?".

I have never had any intention of telling my husband about the abuse I have suffered in my life. He knows that I was raped - that is all he knows. Somehow, the other night, he needed more. He asked questions and learned of my childhood abuse as well as the rape. His question - "Why didn't you tell your mom..."  I'm so tired of the Why's  -  mostly because I keep trying to make sense of it all. I am the type of person that wants  needs to understand why someone does what they do.

So here's to my short term goal - "Stop asking why" because it's never going to make sense because it doesn't make sense.