Thursday, May 3, 2012

Is it time?

How do you know when you are ready to talk about everything? All the details ... I've written them out - but never spoken of them - even in therapy I tiptoe around it. I don't like to talk about it - partly because I truly am afraid that someone (in this case my therapist) will be disappointed in me - or will think differently of me. Stupid, I know - but it's still there. (Maybe that's a whole new therapy session!)

I've been told you know it's time when "it" keeps poking its ugly head out over and over to the point where you can't ignore it. What if it is ALWAYS there? It never goes away - HE rarely ever goes away. I can push him/it into the closet and when it starts to play in my head, I can usually change the channel and find a new movie to play in my head, but somehow, the horror film always returns.

So if it is time to talk about it, where do you start? Is it cheating if I have my therapist take the reins and lead me though this?! Even thinking about going through all of the details - I feel like a child just needed someone to hold my hand though it ... it is like walking though hell alone (see above pic - I am TERRIFIED of clowns)...

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