Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Lucky One?

Am I lucky? Wait .. let me back up.

Most people who are raped don't have to see their rapist - ever again. They survive that one night of hell and he disappears into the night leaving the victim with a "larger than life" memory of himself.

For a long time I thought of him that way. I was terrified of him and the thought of him. Until recently, I had not seen him in 10 years.

At the moment I least expected it - as I thought he was far from my reality - he made his appearance and shook my world to the core. He needed to know he still had power over me - and he did. I crumbled under his gaze and his fingertips. The same familiar evil smile crossed his lips and he knew that he still owned me ... as much as he could.

Then something strange happened. The more he came around to intimidate me - the less he did. I began to realize that he is not the larger than life monster that I remember. He is a normal person - someone I can stand up to and someone I can beat. After his many appearances, he became a nobody to me ... a pest ... someone I was ready to dismiss away.

Time has passed and he has not made an appearance in my life recently. I don't know if he is bored - or I challenged him and won - or if he is just waiting ... but whatever it is - I don't care. I am the lucky one who got to face my rapist - no police - no court - no hospitals - just he and I - and walked away victorious.  He is an asshole - and that is all.

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