Shhhhh

Sexual abuse as a child and rape as an adult (if 21 is truly considered and adult) are both life changing things. As a child - it happened regularly. There was a routine that was followed - structure was present - and an understanding of "dont tell" was always in the air. Obedience was expected and demanded - disobedience was punished.

Rape, for me, was completely the opposite. There was nothing routine about it. There was no structure - for me it was complete chaos. He ordered - I fought - lost - eventually obeyed. I guess the last part was exactly the same. Obedience was expected and demanded - and disobedience was punished. As far as the "don't tell" part goes - yeah, that too was there. Although I often wonder WHY I didn't tell. Was it because he was the police? Was it because bad things happen when you tell? Was it because I was too afraid? Or too conditioned? It wouldn't have changed anything ...